A Bizarre Contraption

So people say that God's a guy, right? So that means He has a penis then. What does he use it for? Does he pee? If yes, then what is God drinking? Space juice, I guess. Does he pee into a toilet or just let it rip into the cosmos? Probably the cosmos because, really, space is like an infinitely large, public swimming pool.

If not the cosmos, then you have to attempt to explain where God's toilet exists which would likely be in God's bathroom which is in God's house and pretty soon the explanation has spiralled out of control and your talking about God's planet that He lives on next to his neighbour who he doesn't like because he's always leaving cardboard out to be picked up for recycling but doesn't break it down into small enough pieces so it doesn't get picked up and it just sits on the curb getting wrinkly from the rain.

Then God has to go next door to tell him that he has to break it down and he also wants to bring up the fact that He doesn't like it when the guy mows his lawn on Sunday's but God doesn't want to come off as a dick but he already has even though He had to say something because everyone on the block has been complaining.

Even before all that occurs there's an even more important contradiction in that if God has always existed and will always exist and will never change then how do you explain His ability to pee? His bladder would at some point be empty and then would fill up to the point where he'd have to take a gnarly wizz thus meaning He was in a state of becoming.

He could just pee into a black hole. According to physics the gravitational pull of a black hole is so strong that not even light can escape it so I'm sure that God's pee fits into that catagory. Maybe he makes a game out of it. Like, sometimes he forces the pee out really hard to see if he can shoot it across the event horizon without it going in. Or He might arc it over top to see at what point the gravitational pull starts to take effect. Or maybe He just pees near it and delights in watching it get sucked in.

Does God's masturbate? That seems fairly hypocritical considering that we're apparently not allowed. I assume it would probably be like when you catch your mom and dad doing something that they've told you you're not suppose to do and they give you that condecending answer, "Only grown ups can do this" or "When you're older, you can do this." Does God ejaculate? Hmmm... too many questions. I think I'll need to sleep on this one.